Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
