Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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