So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
