think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You took a bar mat shot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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