I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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