There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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