i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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