We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's the barista slut.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
