i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I only lived at night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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