just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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