I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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