She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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