I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
