A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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