well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
