I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
