Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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