the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
