I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do herpes really smell.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
