My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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