apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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