I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
how does that bad decision feel?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
