I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
