ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
