I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
