I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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