Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
