it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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