wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
