I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
