So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
