Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
