he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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