Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
