Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
