someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
