Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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