I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
