my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
