I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
