Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
