I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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