It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
