What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
