our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
