somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
