You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
