I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
