did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
