i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
