he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I checked into jail on foursquare
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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