I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
